Photographic Memory
by Mairusu-chan
Summary: Being a photographer just gets in the way. It takes up all my time, and Zack's, and now that he's gone, well...I have to be two people at once. I just don't have the time. How am I supposed to move my relationship forward if everything keeps getting in the way? But I've been thinking, and I just need to get us both to have one day off together. Just one. [AU, SephxCloud]


CH. 1

* * *

"Ready? Okay, one, two, three!"

Click.

"Hm, hold on. Someone wasn't smiling! Let's try one more time, ready? Alright, one, two, three, smile!"

Click.

I'm a professional photographer. Mostly weddings, it seems, especially now that winter is finally melting into spring. I stared down at the screen on my DSLR, praying one of these snapshots was a good one. Winter weddings were always hard to photograph; the murky lighting and the lack of greenery made most brides more than peeved at me when they saw their results. Angry brides…I can feel a shiver coming on already. I ran a hand through my hair. It was going to be hard to tell with these photos. I was probably going to have to Photoshop them before the brides even tried to look. But, none of them were up to my standards, and I smiled at the newly married couple before me surrounded by ecstatic family, friends, children. I felt a little pang of jealousy. "I'm going to just take a few more, okay? Act natural, this is your happy day after all, right?" With a smile I put my camera back up to my face. I was tired of being included in everyone's "happy day." I wanted a happy day of my own.

"Thank you so much," the bride told me when I was done, holding my hand in both of hers. "Everyone's told me how wonderful you are, but I couldn't imagine just how perfect you'd be." She smiled sweetly, and I couldn't help but smile back at her. She was radiant. A blushing bride. I had seen so many, heard her words so many times.

"It's no problem," I said with a cheerful smile, hoping the look carried in my voice. I was actually exhausted, considering this was my second wedding for the day, and since I am so "wonderful," I had a reputation to uphold. Work-a-holic? No, never. "It's just part of my job, really." I had forgotten her name.

"Oh no, Cloud, I can barely wait to see what lovely photos you've taken. When I saw the photos on your website I knew you had to do my wedding! I'm so very happy." She smiled at me again, and I thanked her profusely. I wasn't sure if that was the groom staring me down, but I could feel his eyes burning into me. I wanted to tell him to calm down, but I knew better than to mention anything. But this bride, God, she didn't shut up. I just wanted to get out of here. By this point, she was saying something about her best friend's wedding which I had been the photographer for sometime last year. I smiled and nodded, but really had no idea who she was talking about. But, to cut her drabbling short, I smiled again and handed her my business card, explaining jovially that I'd be getting back to her soon about her photos and we could talk more then. She gave me another one of those radiant smiles and made her way over to her husband, of course, the guy who had been shooting laser beams out of his eyes. I gave them a little wave and a smile, and turned to all my equipment scattered across a large banquet table.

A gust of wind picked up and I pulled at my coat. I had so much to pack up. Absently, as I set my camera down and started searching for the various bags and equipment that went with them, I wondered how Zack was doing. Usually my right-hand-man, now of all times he decided to take a month and go on his honeymoon with Aerith. If he wasn't my best friend and the one who started this photography business with me, I never would have let that happen. But I hoped he and his not-so-new-wife (they had been married for over a year now, but never had their honeymoon thanks to me and my business) were having a really nice time. Wherever they went.

I started filling my bags quickly, the wind picking up again and making me uncomfortably cold. Even in this February weather, I couldn't take it. I wanted to move someplace warm. I tugged at the zipper to my camera case, pressing on the top tentatively to get it to close. I had overstuffed my bag. How had I gotten all of this in there in the first place? Half-way closed, I stopped and pulled out roll after roll of unused film and shoved them into my other bag. Whatever didn't fit I gathered up under my arms (mostly tripods and the like) and hurried to my car.

The parking lot was full of people trying to leave. I knew I should of planned that group shot before the reception, because then I could have easily slipped out after the two had said their vows. I was thankful though that neither of my brides today wanted pictures of their after parties. A point and shoot could easily get the dancing bodies and disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Trying to get decent photos in the dark with those cheesy laser lights and bad music was almost impossible. I smiled to myself as I stacked my bags in the back seat of my little gray hatchback (it closed with a loud _thunk_, and I wondered if I broke something…again) and slid into the drivers seat. I was glad to be going home, then I could finally have something to eat, and maybe make some tea or something. I started my car as I checked my watch, not at all surprised that it was after five. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair again, already anticipating the all-nighter I was going to have to pull to download all these photos onto my laptop and start editing them. Working alone was hard.

But now, where was my cell phone? I shoved my hands in both coat pockets, half expecting it to be in one of them. No dice. That'd be too easy. I took a quick glace into my rear view mirror and noted I was still blocked in. Cool. I felt around my pants, searching blindly for my stupid phone; a simple Blackberry because those touch screen things weren't for me. I felt it in my back pocket, and I pulled it out quickly, looking to see if anyone called me. Nope, nothing. I sighed, but this wasn't unusual. Still…I speed dialed the apartment but was only greeted by my voice on the answering machine. Hmm. I hung up and checked my mirrors again, spotting the potential end of this line of cars. Thank God. I turned my key in the ignition, threw the car in reverse and waited.

It took me almost an hour to get to our apartment complex. If I had been smart I would have stopped somewhere and got some food or something, but I was so exhausted that I didn't have the motivation to do anything other than drive. I barely made it up the stairs to the seventh floor (our elevator was being repaired), before collapsing against our door, trying to find the key and not drop the bags dangling dangerously off my fingers at the same time. I had to slip one of my bags around my neck to be able to have a free appendage to search my messenger bag, and of course I had thrown my keys in the bottom of my bag instead of just holding onto them. Still, I managed to find them and flip through the four keys I had (the two cars, the apartment, and the studio) and open the door.

I stumbled through the dark and dropped my bags on the floor, not really caring where they went at the moment. I was alone. I heard the clock ticking and wondered what time it was. Fumbling with my shoes, I stepped out of them, nearly tripping on one of my bags in the process, and flipped the lights. Immediately I noticed the mug sitting precariously on the edge of the coffee table. I sighed and grabbed that first, bringing it along to the kitchen and dropping it in the sink. I turned around to see the clock; it was past seven. I grumbled and rubbed my eyes, turning to go to the fridge. But was I really any hungry? I rubbed my stomach. No, it was too knotted up. I opened it anyway and grabbed a bottle of water, then backtracked the small apartment to the living room and picked up my bags once again. I sat them on the couch and bent over to pull the coffee table closer. I set my water down as well, then grabbed the TV remote and fell on the couch.

For a few minutes, I just sat there. The silence was nice, and so was the warmth of the apartment. I pulled my socks off, and it wasn't long before I had grabbed my laptop from its place between the couch and the end table and was booting it up. It whirled to life as I pressed the power button and let it rest on the table, watching its loading screens idly between digging around my bags for my USB cords and cameras. I'd have to go to the studio and develop the film I shot tomorrow, which didn't sound all that great. But I was pretty happy that I didn't have any appointments tomorrow and could get some work done quickly. I had made sure not to overbook myself with Zack gone. A whole month. How'd I let that happen? I knew the answer though. Guilt. I owed him that much.

My laptop bing-ed at me, grabbing my attention. The blue screen prompted for a password, and I leaned over and started typing. I used the same password for everything. I knew it wasn't the best of ideas, but there was no way I was going to remember more than one. I pressed enter and waited for my desktop to load, and then I plugged in my camera and waited for it to automatically dump all the photos. Luckily, I had Zack set up my programs so that they would automatically create a new folder with today's date so I didn't have to try and make sure I put all the photos in the same place. For reasons unknown to me, I had a hard time keeping organized.

Another chirp alerted me that the program was done, and I unplugged my camera, placing it on the coffee table as well before pulling out the other and plugging it up. Over one hundred shots on one wedding alone. It was going to be a long night.

It was close to midnight, the TV on some random channel as I stared wearily at my computer screen, when I realized I was still alone. I looked up, giving my eyes a quick break from the glare. Where was he? Usually he didn't work this late, overtime or not. I picked up my phone, fully intent on calling him when I heard a key in the lock. Speak of the devil. Still I smiled, because these late nights were the only time we saw each other. I heard the lock click, and looked up as the door opened. "Welcome home," I said, smiling at the man slowly entering the apartment. "Sephiroth." He only grunted in reply, letting the door close behind him before he locked it and unbuttoned his coat. I had bought him that coat, a nice black wool coat. And the dark scarlet scarf he was unwinding from his neck. "Have a rough day?" I wouldn't be surprised if he said yes. Seph never came home this late unless something bad was happening around the office.

"Rough may be an understatement," he said with a wave of his hand as he placed his coat in the closet. I noticed my coat still on the floor, and Seph grabbed it and hung that up as well. "These kids think they know everything, but I'm the one who gets to clean up their messes." He sighed, sitting down on the couch next to me and crossing his legs. He smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. "So," his voice was so smooth and calming now. "How was your day?"

I kind of shrugged. "Tiring. I had two weddings to go to." I tilted my head towards my laptop. "I've been editing the shots since I got home; I'll probably be up all night."

Seph hummed and squeezed my shoulder, planting a kiss on my head. "Well, don't work too hard." He knew I couldn't respond honestly to that request. I tried to pull up a grin, but I yawned instead, and Seph rubbed my shoulder and I couldn't help but slowly melt into his chest. "Cloud, you should sleep."

I struggled to shake my head. "No, I have film to develop in the studio tomorrow." I heard him sigh. This was usually how our conversations went. Don't work too hard. You should sleep. Yadda yadda. We both knew better than to urge one another; we were both much too stubborn to do anything other than what we wanted. "But, I'll sleep tomorrow. I don't have anything planned for this Saturday."

Seph smiled, tucking his hair behind his ears. "Well that's good to know."

"Yea, it's nice to finally have a day where I don't really have to do anything." As such, the studio was closed on Saturdays. Considering I wasn't much of a religious person, and people preferred their weddings on Sundays, Saturday was the only day of the week that I found it most reasonable to close shop. It was unfortunate, considering everyone expected the photographer to be ready at any time, like we didn't have other commitments. As it were, I usually worked on Saturdays as well, since I kept my equipment with me. The portrait studio may be closed, but good old me was still running about.

Seph was different. He left when he said he would, and only stayed when it was absolutely necessary. However, these "necessities" seemed to be happening more and more often, and it made me feel bad for him. Despite his degree in Business, he always seemed to get the shorter end of the stick, the first to be called off on business trips and the last to be sent home. I wanted to complain, I really did, but with the amount of money we made together, I knew better than to voice my selfish complaints. We weren't rich, no, but I had been saving up, and I thought it may be a more feasible option some day to finally move our relationship forward. We were stagnating, as much as I didn't want to realize it. We had our routines, but that's all we had.

I loved Seph too much to let our days continue to pass us by. I wanted to be _with_ him, not just be _near_ him. "Hey," I voiced, another yawn threatening to overtake me. "Did you get to eat dinner? Are you hungry?"

Seph looked down at me, raising an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same question." I looked away. Guilty! I hadn't had any food since breakfast around six this morning. I had left even earlier than Seph today; he'd know I hadn't eaten, because he knows that's what I do when I'm stressed.

"Ah, well…"

"Cloud…"

I shivered at the warning tone of his voice. "I know!" I looked up at him now, more embarrassed that he was going to berate me for not eating like a child, than upset that he knew I hadn't. It wasn't like he had a chance to eat today either! "I know I know, but today was stressful and you know how I feel about convenience foods. It's not like the banquet halls had snacks or something." He gave me that look, the I-know-better-than-to-believe-that-look. I sighed. It wasn't like I was lying; they really didn't have any finger foods or anything! It wasn't like I was going to sit down with the guests for a three-course meal. I could already imagine the looks on their faces. "Besides," I continued, speaking over Seph's sigh. "My stomach kinda hurts. But I can make you something." I looked at him, hopeful, but a look of soft refusal was forming on his face. He just kissed my forehead again.

"You finish up with your work, alright? I'll be fine." Seph smiled and then grabbed the remote, flipping through the channels.

I pouted to myself. "Okay." I guessed he must have had something to eat then. Well, that was fine. I didn't really have the time to cook anyway, I still had a whole other wedding folder to edit. I didn't even want to think about the film that I'd have to process. That was going to take forever, and being in an open studio, alone, trying to get work done was probably going to be next to impossible. Saturday could not come soon enough. I was praying for it already, but I had to finish up these edits and get to bed. I hoped soon. But as the hours passed and Seph yawned three times in ten minutes, he took his leave with another kiss and left me to work alone. It hurt, for a moment, because I was tired and I just wanted to cuddle in bed with him, however impossible it was going to be tonight. I missed talking to him. We didn't really talk anymore. It was always the same. I had work to do, and he was too tired from all the work he had done. And if it wasn't work, he was off on another trip, or I was off doing another event, and we rarely got to see one another. We hadn't even had sex in ages. It was a harrowing thought. And I wanted to be close to him, I really did, but I didn't know how to make my own schedule less hectic.

And what was worse than all that was Saturday. I was going to be alone all day, because Seph was going out of town for the weekend again. Three weekends in a row. I wanted to plan a day together, just one day where we could get our fills of one another. Why was that so hard to ask? And I was booked up every day for the next month, and Zach wasn't here. I still couldn't believe I had let him take a month off. Then again, they deserved it. I knew how much stress I put on the both of them. I owed them that month, and more! But I wondered how I was going to survive by my self.

I didn't want to think about it. I didn't think about it. I just edited more and more photos, lost in it. If I couldn't get work out of the way, how was I supposed to fit Seph back in? I couldn't, not like this. I had to get this done.


End file.
